Chris Garcia

Sean Keane and Chris Garcia Discuss...

Me: Holy moly! Manny Ramirez is a Dodger!
Sean: HUGE
Me: That's like the Lakers getting Gilbert Arenas, or like the Galaxy getting Kanye West.
Sean: Congratulations to the 2008 National League West Champs
Me: Man, LA teams, and our midseason Hail Mary trades...
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Me: "This just in: Manny Ramirez was just spotted running along the 405 freeway in his pajamas mumbling incoherently about not getting a call back from his recent MAD TV audition
Sean: He'll be interviewed for "Jay Walking" on Friday night
Sean: The questions are going to be scaled back
Sean: "Manny, what day is it?"
Me: Where I from, every day is Superbowl Sunday. Ness question
Sean: "Should you eat grass?"
Me: Hahaha
Sean: Warning to the women of LA... While Manny will wear a jimmy hat
Me: He'll take it off as he rounds 3rd!
Sean: The combination of pube extensions and a penile do-rag means it will fall off once he starts going fast.
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Me: "Manny being Manny" has just been picked up by the Spike Network. The reality show set to air at 4:20pm/am Mon-Sun follows former Boston Red Sox slugger Manny Ramirez's transition to his new home in Los Angeles, and largely centers around his...
Sean: He'd have a lot of good segments: Chauffering prostitutes with Eddie Murphy, for "Manny Being Tranny"
Me: HA
Sean: He and Nomar Garciaparra go jet skiing... Nomar pulls a hamstring stepping off the dock
me: "He's okay! And the crowd goes wild!" Not for Nomar, but because it just so happens that Miya Hamm enters the stadium...
Sean: Manny immediately tries to get her phone number, but gets distracted by a cotton candy vendor.
Me: "Oye, Candy stand man! Can I borrow your stand? I got some bichess to impress."
Sean: I think he should stay in Anthony Kiedis's poolhouse for the rest of the season
Me: One night, Manny sleepwalks into Dave Navarro's sleep chamber, and in a stupor, they accidentally wed
Sean: Is that a Dodger Dog, or are you just happy to see me?

Soloman Cake

Soloman Cake 100%

I'm not what enough?

I just got a call to audition to open for Kat Williams at the Wild 94.9 Comedy Jam, a pretty big "urban" comedy show that takes place at Shoreline Amphitheater every summer. Past headliners include Carlos Mencia and Juan Valdez. This is the transcript of part of the phone conversation between me and the booker of the show:
Booker: My only concern is that you may not be "Latino" enough...
Me: Have you seen "Batman: The Dark Knight?"
Booker: No.
Me: I have a copy of it in my car. I give it to you for five dollars.
Then I stabbed him with a bootleg copy of "Meet Dave."

“the hipster represents the end of Western civilization—a...”
— Douglas Haddow, in Adbusters...

Sean Keane and Chris Garcia Discuss...

(Backstory - Geetika is moving to NYC, and is celebrating with a taco pub crawl through the Mission District of SF. Also, her boyfriend lives in the same building as Giants broadcaster Mike Krukow.)
Chris: Krukow should come along to taco crawl and do color commentary
Sean: Grab some limes, meat!
Chris: And away she goes, the scrappy Hindi grad student out of San Jose. measuring in at 5'2 120 lbs. Will you look at this...she's ditching the tortilla and going straight for the brains! We've got a doozie on our hands tonight, ladies and germs.
Sean: I'm waiting for the point at Zeitgeist when Geetika's arm gets tired from hoisting pints.
Sean: And Omar has to signal for a lefty
Chris: The pitcher count's at 90, she's looking tired.
Chris: Man, she's gonna get so wasted. WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE
Chris: She's just not going to let us stopping drinking or eating
Chris: 5 bucks she head butts the Tamale Lady
Sean: She's like an adorable little fratboy.
Sean: And she's subtle, too.
Sean: It's not like she yells, "Drink, bitch!"
Sean: It's more like, asking with disappointment where your beer is.
Chris: She's going to be a great mother

caleparks: Everyone should know about this. chrisgarcia:...

I'm seeing Steely Dan tonight!

Thanks to Kidwell and Richie for burning me the box set some years back. Deacon Blues is my JAM!

Tessie Chua

I’m really glad I googled Teen Wolf at 2am.

Shout out in the Pink Pages

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Me and future me at Zeitgeist. 

My new roommate…